I like being home..

Autumn has arrived and I am looking forward to the season of pumpkins/cider/and the first fire of the year. I did discover a new, but carefully hidden truth about myself this morning.

I like being home.

There, I've said it. I have kind of suspected it for a while...but this morning as I was walking on this beautiful fall day, stopping to take pictures of different roads and anything else interesting along the way, it kind of hit me. I had stopped to take a picture of - can you believe this - a miniature horse on a picnic table in someone's back yard. At first I thought it was a statue, but I backed up and looked again. There it was. Just hanging out on a bench. I have passed this house many times and did notice all the horse-related items - from their horse trailer to various lawn signs  and bumper stickers - so it did make sense why they actually had a horse in their backyard. As I snapped the picture, it hit me - I like being home. I like the fact that I can stop and take pictures of horses and waterfalls. I like not having the stress and politics of work. I like having the gift of time. I like being able to sit here on my front porch and write this blog, listening to a great mix on I tunes.

However.

Thanks to New York State Unemployment, I am able to do this for a while longer (and an additional 13 weeks of extended benefits will probably be passed today by the US Senate). As wonderful as it is for me, it is not so wonderful for my husband. He now has to shoulder a much bigger financial burden - my monthly income has been cut in half, our oldest daughter is also unemployed and living at home, and we have one in college and one "out on her own" but with support from us.

As the months pass, my self-confidence ebbs and the desire to keep looking for that elusive job wanes. I know what I have to do - it's just getting harder to do it. When the newest Lord & Taylor catalog came and I flipped through all the fabulous fall shoes, I found myself vicariously picking out different styles - and then I realized with a jolt, that I didn't need - nor could I afford - new shoes. All I need right now are my sneakers...and I realized I am okay with that for a while longer.