Is this it?

After a few spectacular days of spring weather, the rain and clouds have settled in again and with them a sense of gloom about where my life is going. Yesterday I couldn't summon up the energy to do much of anything - I actually "took" a mental health day off - even though I am unemployed. I sat on the couch, watched daytime TV, finished the Sunday papers and yes, I even ate some chocolate to add to the whole "woe is me - chocolate will help kind of mood".

Today is a bit better. Followed my usual routine - channel surf the morning news shows for a bit, throw in some laundry and work out for an hour. I cleaned out my dresser drawers and then tried to be productive - in the job sense. Nothing was new on the boards, joined yet another job site, and now I am writing down my thoughts yet again.

The feeling of "Is this it" - is becoming more acute the longer I am out of work. I actually had quite a few jobs I really enjoyed - they were financially and professionally rewarding and led to many great friendships. Now I am worried that I am past my prime and that I can only look back and not forward.

Usually I am a very optimistic person but with unemployment running out and no solid leads coming in, "Is this it" is looming  - like the dark clouds that fill the sky today.